So. Time to start over. Totally.
There are two things that I have to do now.
1. Become friends with my ex-boyfriend
2. Learn to be single again
I never knew that it would be so difficult to get back into practice of flirting. I must have taken it for granted that I didn't have to try and flirt anymore. Now I have to learn what all the signs mean. And I have to try to teach myself to be accepted again. I must've taken it for granted that I didn't have to think about others for so long.
Sure it was only 5 months, but still. That's 5 months that I didn't flirt or care about anyone other than my boyfriend.
So, I have to start all over again.
And I don't know if I want to.
I really got attached to him. [Lets call him Nick.]
I don't want to let him go. I don't want to forget all the fantastic memories and times we shared.
I remember a time when I would go to his house and be prepared to watch a stupid football game, and just do small-talk during commercials. I wasn't pumped up for the excitement, that's for sure. But often, in the middle of the game, he would take my hand, stand, and lead me to his bedroom. You can imagine the rest.
I remember being so totally affected by his kisses that I would literally be dizzy and loopy. I would barely be able to walk. I'd shiver and shake as if it were freezing, but in reality, I was warmer than I could ever remember. My heart all but burst from the emotions that I had for Nick.
Then, he decided that he no longer felt the same for me. He didn't love me anymore.
How do you do that? How does one change their mind like changing a lightbulb?
Maybe I'll talk about that next time. I don't have the patience or energy to continue. It's just a little bit difficult to talk about this. It makes me edgy. But if I don't talk about it... I can't just let it sit inside me. That would be a million times worse than publishing it online for the world to read.
note: this is my friend's e-mail. she has given me permission to use it and has agreed to forward any messages that she receives to me. this way, i am able to stay anonymous. thank you for understanding.
